wiedzminka | ❧ IC INBOX: Abraxas

Hey...can we talk? If you're up for it. It's okay if you want some more time. I'm still...processing all that.

[ She's been expecting this. Thought about reaching out herself, but... chickened out. Aloy makes the first move.

It's as much a relief as it is unnerving. ]

I am too.

But we can talk. If that's what you want.

I do. In person. I don't want to go anywhere near that rock right now.

[She's never been fond of the Horizon anyway.]

I heard Nocwich is opening again.

[ Oh, thank fuck. ]

I feel the same way.

Nocwich sounds good. Get that strong werewolf ale. Bracing stuff.

Yeah. I could go for some of that, too.

Guess I'm meeting you at the tavern, then?

Yeah. I would

like that.

[That's good enough for Aloy. She leaves it there in anticipation of their in person meeting, which has her anxious in a way she isn't sure is good or bad. Maybe it's good. They're going to have to talk about this one way or another--she just kind of wishes it was in the familiar venue of the hunting grounds, instead of the tavern's intimacy.

The point is that she can't avoid it forever. When Nocwich opens again, Aloy is there, making her way to the tavern just a few minutes later than she said she'd be there. It feels more right, for her to interrupt Ciri's first drink, rather than the other way around. When she approaches, she looks a little sheepish.]

It's good to see you. [In person, that is. Aloy has been avoiding the Horizon, for various reasons.] How are you feeling?

[ Ciri knows how she feels -- instinctively, in a way that feels more intimate than it should, and yet somehow familiar. It doesn't feel wrong, even if it is... weird. The Horizon is uncomfortable for her as well; there are those she must see within it, like Yennefer, but besides the very special exception, she's stayed away. As much as possible, Ciri's tried to ground herself in things that feel real and solid in her hands and under her boots. Hunting is where she goes to escape. But it doesn't feel right here.

They need to talk. It'll be too easy to lapse into comfortable silence in the dark outside.

The wait doesn't bother her. It gives her a few minutes to pull together a semblance of preparedness, even if it's a façade more than anything else, bolstered by the drink she tosses back at the very first opportunity. She's actually on her second when Aloy arrives, not because Aloy is very late but because Ciri is very anxious.

At her approach, Ciri pushes the opposite chair out for her with the toe of a boot beneath the table. ]

...hi.

Oh. I'm fine. [ An automatic, meaningless response. ]

How... are you?

Adjusting, I guess.

[She shrugs her shoulders, a little defeated. There's really no good way to talk about what happened, and she isn't really sure where to start. The good news is that Ciri's fine betrays her own anxieties about it all, and Aloy decides she might as well launch into it.]

Feeling a little relieved, I guess. That it wasn't real.

[Aloy is used to outsized responsibility--of having the singular ability to save the world, but she's never want to be a god.]

[ Ciri nods. Adjusting is as good a way to put it as anything she's feeling now, all wrapped up in confusion and anxiety, frustration and anger, the lingering shame over some of the things she did (didn't do; none of them did, not really).

And yet, when the first thing Aloy says is that she's relieved it wasn't real, there's an unexpected pang in the pit of her stomach. Her fingers tighten around the handle of her tankard. ]

...that none of it was real?

[To Aloy’s credit, she realizes immediately that she’s misspoken, and looks suitably embarrassed at Ciri’s apparent offense. Maybe she’s a little offended in turn, that Ciri would jump to that conclusion, but…no, she did phrase that poorly, and is quick to sheepishly correct herself.]

No, not—you know what I mean.

[That they don’t have to keep living as gods, or have the related responsibilities. Most of all, though, she’s glad that Ciri is here and whole.]

Not all of it. But I’m glad you’re not…hurt.

[ Of course that's what she means. It still doesn't really answer her question (the question she hasn't actually asked).

She's just wound so tight after everything, and every time she closes her eyes, the memories-dreams-visions are an overwhelming flood of everything that didn't happen. Some of it -- thank fuck -- has faded. Some of it lingers stubbornly behind her eyelids.

Some of it is things she probably wasn't meant to see. It feels invasive and awkward, and some part of her still misses it anyway.

How fucked up is that? ]

...yeah. I know what you mean.

[ Ciri sighs.

With an accompanying gesture, she looks up to catch the eye of a passing serving boy and wordlessly order a second drink, this time for Aloy. ]

It's a relief for me too. Most of it.

[Aloy isn't sure if she's smoothed everything over--it's not difficult to see the embarrassment and hurt on Ciri's face, but she tells herself that she's just processing. They all are. The drink is appreciated, but they both know that's not why she's here. Her gaze drops down to the table.]

Look, um.

[By now, Ciri must know that Aloy is pretty bad at this. But she doesn't want to dismiss her, or make her feel like she isn't wanted. On the contrary--she just doesn't really know how to breach the subject.]

I don't want you to be...ashamed. Of anything. We were...and weren't ourselves, at the same time.

[ There is an awkward minute of silence until the boy brings the drink. Ciri chose this place so the silence wouldn't be complete when they inevitably stared at each other awkwardly, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to be in a situation that would feel too... intimate.

Now, the background noise is a distraction, and she wonders if she should have suggested somewhere else. Ciri fiddles with a chip in the table, picking at a bit of wood poking out. ]

I'm not ashamed of the time we spent together.

Though I am... of the way I treated you. Some things I remember, they weren't very good. But there were good parts too. Really good parts.

[ She sighs, reaching again for her own cup, eyes sliding away from Aloy's face. ]

It's all jumbled. So much, all together, too many things to hold onto. I think, with time, I could... forget it. Let it fade like a dream.

Do you think that would be better?

[ Or... not? ]

You didn't...don't apologize. What happened to us wasn't fair.

[In that sense, they shouldn't be blamed for the desperate actions they took under extraordinary circumstances. What they did to survive. Aloy isn't angry at Ciri--they were just playing the roles given to them by whatever entity was responsible for trapping them in that future.

Aloy rests her hands on the table. For a moment it seems like she might creep one closer, towards Ciri, but she restrains herself, curling her fingers into her palms instead.]

I don't...really want to forget all of it. Not the good parts.

[ Ciri sees her hand there, the subtle shift of her palm almost sliding forward along the tabletop, the twitch of her fingers. She catches a certain expression on Aloy's face, the same one Ciri thinks is probably on her own. The desire to say more. Not saying it.

She still remembers how well they knew each other. Even though it can't really be called remembering, can it? ]

...yeah?

[ There's a note of relief in her voice. It's Ciri who finally lets go of her cup and bridges the gap between them. Her hand inches forward across the table, fingertips brushing Aloy's knuckles. There's a tentative (hopeful?) smile building at the corners of her mouth. ]

Me neither.

And maybe we can even build more... real memories together. I'd like that, anyway. If you don't think it would be too... I dunno. Weird.

[ She falters at the end there. Not so smooth, after all, feeling like a dumb girl fumbling her way through a first date. Except she's already been on hundreds of dates, in their dreams. It really is awkward. She's way less confident when it comes to this side of things than she is with a blade in her hand; but she does know Aloy is the same, in that regard. ]

Yeah. I mean, they were the good parts for a reason.

[She's aware it isn't real, and that the things she's feeling right now might be more residual than anything--leftover from something that she believed to be true. Aloy, however, refuses to believe that she could be so confused. Ciri's always impressed her, and perhaps the imagined time together is how things might go if left to their own devices.

Without the missteps, of course. If anything, she should be looking at this like a second chance.]

I'd like to try. Now that we're back to our real selves.

[That's what's important to her. Doing this free of the Singularity, on their own terms.]

[ They are in agreement there: Ciri wants to do this on their own terms too, if they wish to try. A second chance -- she would like to agree with that, if Aloy had voiced it, though in her heart she might be feeling some inkling of the same thing. That same desire to take a chance, to try, without the influence of something else. It's not because she feels obligated, and she's not confused. She's wanted a deeper connection with Aloy, honestly, has felt a kinship with her in a way that she's never quite been able to explore due to the distance between them. The lack of time together.

Now, they've had a taste of what that time together could look like. She's happy to hear that Aloy doesn't want to dismiss it either.

Ciri takes her hand. She smiles, relieved. Perhaps hopeful. ]

This is a good start, then, isn't it? Spending time together.

Do you want to do something after this?

[ Drinks, a meal, the rest of the afternoon as they see fit. ]

We could go shopping, or to the baths. Or hunting, if you like. We've got all weekend.

We already spend time together.

[Aloy says that wryly, but it sort of comes out as a lame joke. The truth is that she's just as inexperienced, just as fumbling. But they can take it slow, at their own pace, and see where things goes. She does not at all resist Ciri taking her hand, and even smiles a little at the prospect of going somewhere else, after they finish their drinks.]

We can go hunting. Work up a sweat, and then head to the baths.

[Ciri's right--they have all weekend. No sense in limiting themselves.]

[ She gives Aloy's hand a little squeeze, and her smile grows. ]

Yes. That sounds perfect.

❧ IC INBOX: Abraxas

some time after event 18 but slightly before june nocwich

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